The Moment You Fell In Love

kissin

Do you remember it? The first time you thought you loved him (or her)? The first time you knew you loved them? It’s something I’ve been thinking about the past few days because all of a sudden I realize just how much I love the amazing man that I’m with.

I remember when I first met him; feeling giddy and wonderful, losing hours of sleep every night thinking about him. But I knew better than to call it love because I’d had my heart broken before. I was still raw and reeling from the pain; was this a distraction? Were these feelings really for this new boy or were they displaced feelings from the last boy? And what did I really know about this boy besides that he was incredibly attractive and had a cute accent and lived halfway across the globe? Doubt crept and retreated on my mind like waves lapping at sand.

To be honest I wasn’t sure I knew how to fall in love again. And I don’t mean in the dramatic I can never love again way (I’d already loved twice and had gone through the dramatic motions).  I mean, with my first love back in high school it was instant. Love at first sight; the kind of love that I think one can only feel when they don’t know any better. I saw him in the hallway and time stood still; I felt like I had just seen an angel. After that I proceeded to dream about him, doodle about him and listen to my chorus of friends who told me it was never gonna happen between the new popular guy in grade ten and a quiet grade niner. We dated for 7 months; I loved him with every fiber of my being; he said “it’s not like we’re gonna get married or anything” and that was the end of that fairytale. I cried everyday for a year. Until I met boy number two.

He was in University while I was still a high schooler and we worked at a summer camp together.  He was the first boy I’d been attracted to since boy number one. Although I was smitten from the beginning I wasn’t sure how I would know when I’d fallen in love. Sometimes I’d lay on his shoulder as he drove and say it in my mind and think “do I?” “do I love him?” Seven months in he broke up with me, and that’s when I realized it; that I had indeed loved him. Eventually we got back together and the sting of losing him made me really want to hang on that much tighter. I always wondered how I would have known that I loved him had he never broken up with me. There really is something to that whole “spark” thing in He’s Just Not That Into You. 

Approximately a year or two later I met the man I am with now. I messaged him on an online dating site one day and we began chatting, which turned into daily skyping which turned into him flying halfway across the world to meet me after 3 months. I can definitely say there aren’t alot of people out there willing to do something like that; in fact, I thought I was the only one but it would seem I have met my match🙂. Again, I was totally smitten with him but how would I know when I loved him? Like really loved him? I remember talking to one of my best guy friends in a panic saying “Since it wasn’t an instant thing how will I know if love him if he doesn’t break up with me?” Those are the only two ways I knew how to fall in love before him. My friend assured me not to worry but I couldn’t help it. I worried, alot!

We spent two weeks together in Florida and while I liked where things were headed I wasn’t ready to say the big L word yet. He had already told me he loved me (in fact he drunkenly told me two weeks in). And we would go through phases where we’d say it but then I’d stop because I wasn’t sure, and I’d never been one to use those words lightly. I continued falling more and more for him and would spend longer periods of time thinking that I probably loved him before that doubt would creep in, until one day there just wasn’t  doubt anymore. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when it happened; when thinking I loved him turned into knowing I loved him. I think it was the day we had that really long Skype chat and I felt like we got to know each-other on another level. That’s the day I began to know his heart, and the day that I realized that my heart loved his.

I feel like it’s a really good thing this new love in my life; it wasn’t borne out of beautifully naive gut feeling, or fear, but out of patience, security, happiness and learning about one another. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I can honestly say without a doubt in my mind, that I am so, so in love.

🙂

I’m kind of a romantic and I have a bit of a fascination with love (it is one of those things that is so wonderfully perplexing) so I’d love to hear about the moment you fell in love. How did you know?

cheers!

5 thoughts on “The Moment You Fell In Love

  1. To be honest, the story is similar as I was completely down and “recovering” from my last relationship when I met him first. As it’s a long distance between us we planned two weeks of holidays (but in an apartment) to kind of test real life. But what me made falling in the end was just how I felt with him around. Feeling happy, loved, sheltered, comfortable, complete, … I cannot describe it even as it was and is a mixture of emotions. He is the one.

  2. Very interesting and romantic. I know by now you have probably realised i’m not that much of a romantic. In fact i tend to have this really harsh approach to love. When i met my current boyfriend, i was just from a break up. One of the many shortlived love relationships i’ve had to go through in my dating life. We lived in a hostel together and i used to go print my campus assignments in his room because he had a printer and was running a very good business in the hostel charging 3/= per page instead of the usual 10/=. And everytime he would print for me my work, he would treat me really nice and from that we started going out. It has taken me a very long time just to realise how much i love him until quite recently when i would find myself missing him so much and looking forward to his visits. Looks rather harsh but i never used to even tell guys i had a boyfriend because there were people i had really loved in the past and they had let me down flat and square. When i started reading your blogs you kinda inspired me to write about my boyfriend and i wrote `perfect imperfections.’ And when he read it, he thought it was the most romantic thing he had ever read. I really like your open and honest approach to this whole love thing. Wish you many more years with your current love:-)

    1. That makes me so happy I have inspired someone! That’s so sweet of you to say🙂 Life is too short to hold things in or to hide from your feelings or your past or whatever it is that scares us and I find more often than not my open and honest-ness is met with others being open and honest with me, and I like that. I like having real conversations with people.

      I would also agree that I’m quite an optimist and an idealist (unless you catch me right after a break-up where you’ll find me singing and writing scathing country tunes out of a bucket of ice cream). But when I am in love am I ever in love; completely and unconditionally so. I constantly hope that people will ask me about him so that I can talk about him cause I could happily talk about him all day :p I probably love him way too much lol. But I know many people are not like that; everyone has their own favorite subjects… mine has just always been love. I’m completely fascinated with what exactly it is that makes love last between two people; it’s all I’ve ever wanted.

      I am happy to hear that your blog post went over well, that’s awesome that he liked it so much and that he’s supportive of your writing🙂. It’s instances like that that really help a person open up more, cause it is scary being open and letting someone in knowing that they could hurt you like you were hurt before. But I think it’s a leap of faith that is worth it. I wish you and your boyfriend many years of success of happiness as well and look forward to reading your future posts🙂.

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