Oh boy. My man and I had an emotional Skype yesterday and this morning as we are starting to make plans for closing the distance in April. Last May he said he couldn’t do distance for more than another year; as he can’t leave his line of work for another 2 years I said I would move there even though at the time I felt far from ready. But I didn’t want to lose him and wanted to give this relationship a proper chance.
After our last visit in August we’ve grown so much closer and in love and I feel ready to move this coming April. I have no reservations about us and we both feel very confident in our relationship. Two months ago he bought a cute little house which he said he hoped I would move into, with him. And so I’ve been picturing a nice little life getting to see my man everyday, and even though I know it will be ridiculously hard leaving all my friends and family, with him there for me I knew we’d get through it together.
Of course it could not be that easy!
My man’s plan was to rent the house for 6 months until I get there, when we would move in. However the tenants interested (not surprisingly) are not interested in a six month lease so he said he would likely rent it to them for a year. I knew that this would probably happen so in my mind I thought maybe we could rent a room together from someone in his family until I get on my feet and until their lease is up. But I have been stressing about where I’m going to live on top of where I will be able to find work, whether I will be able to get into teacher’s college and HOW I will pay the $20,000 tuition and not just be a huge burden.
He’s proposed that instead of renting his house to the interested couple, he could rent it to one of his friends for less, and I could live there with his friend and he would live with us on the weekends. This takes the stress out of finding a place to live, BUT the biggest thing upsetting me right now however is that I will only get to see my man on the weekends, and maybe not even every weekend as sometimes he’s away with work. His work is 2 hours away from where his house is and he couldn’t afford the gas. This whole time he’s been thinking he’ll see me on the weekends while I’ve been thinking we would actually be living together.
All I can think about is how lonely and miserable I will be 4-5 days every week; with no friends, no family, nothing familiar and not even my man there to keep me company and help me through. Our other options would be for him to rent his house and for us to rent a cheap room from someone near his work. This option isn’t ideal but I guess I’m frustrated that he won’t even consider it. I feel like all the sacrifices are on me. I don’t feel like he understands how hard this will be on me or how much I’m giving up. His life will be the exact same only when he comes home on the weekends I’ll be there; my entire life (which I happen to really like) will be completely altered; my whole support system will be gone only to be replaced by seeing my man 2-3 days out of the week. It doesn’t feel like enough.
He says that all the guys at work only get to see their girlfriends on weekends but he can’t compare me to them. Their girlfriends live there, they have friends and family and are settled so they can cope with seeing their boyfriends less just like I can cope with only seeing my man once every few months because I have amazing family and friends here. Sure it sucks not being able to see him more often but I am happy in life; I feel happy and lucky everyday for everything that I have, including him. If we really were “closing the distance” I would still be looking forward to this move, challenges and all. But this doesn’t feel like closing the distance to me. It feels like trading in a life with a bit of lonely for a life with a lot of lonely. The distance is getting harder and harder however and we want to start building a life together. Unfortunately my ideas of building a life together won’t happen until he is out of his line of work or unless he considers us living together closer to where he works.