Everything here in England has been going quite well. Though people would constantly ask me “aren’t you homesick?” “Not at all,” I’d grin, “I love it here.” I was amazed that, other than a day of craving dill pickles and the occasional missing of family and friends, I really wasn’t feeling homesick at all.
That was right up until the two month mark. It was cookies that set me off. Ever since I was a little girl my mom and I have baked these amazing oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. I still remember specific days as a child when mom would tell me she was going to make our cookies; they were some of the best days.
I absolutely love baking on rainy days although so far my attempts at baking in the UK have all gone awry (my buttertarts were a disaster as was my peach pie; last fall I made about 10 lovely peach pies in Canada). But, I thought, I have all the ingredients (bar large flake oats) to make mine and mom’s famous melt-in-your-mouth cookies. What could go wrong?
The answer: everything. Instead of the sweet, buttery, brown-sugary, cinnamon and vanilla flavour of home they tasted bland; like nothing. Then there was the texture; normally they’d spread out into lovely circles but they stayed stacked up and took on a muffin-like texture. This is the second failed attempt at these cookies in the UK.
I started sobbing and my S.O. really didn’t know what to do other than to quickly gobble some up and assure me he liked them. He also pawned some off on his poor grandparents yesterday. He wondered why I was being so silly crying over cookies.
But they aren’t just cookies; they’re a lifelong tradition of mine, they’re a little bit of home. I knew when I moved here that there was a list of things I’d have to go without: family and friends, air conditioning, unlimited hot water, plugs in the bathroom, my car, my job, all my favourite restaurants and many of my favourite foods.
I came to terms with those things; but it’s the things I wasn’t aware of that really get to me. Everytime I go to the store for something and learn there is a new thing I have to go without. Everytime I try to do something the way I did back home and I can’t. Sometimes I just want something to be exactly like it was, like my cookies.
I don’t regret moving to England at all. My sweetheart makes it worth it a million times over and it truly is a beautiful country with so much to offer. I know how lucky I am.
But today is another rainy day, and I’d give almost anything just to have a little taste of home.