6 months ago now – shortly after we said ‘I Do’ for the second time – I called J into the bathroom at his auntie’s with some exciting news. 3+ weeks it said on the little digital screen. It’s such a mix of feelings when that little message appears: excitement, uncertainty, panic, happiness.
Within another four weeks we’d have the pram, the car seat, some tiny clothes. My Pinterest boards of food, travel, weddings were suddenly replaced with nurseries and baby things. Facebook swiftly switched from showing me ads of wedding venues to ones of breast pumps and nursing bras.
Before we knew it we were moving around the corner to a bigger house, painting the nursery, DIYing shelves together for the bump which we could now both feel moving about each day, filling in the Peter Rabbit baby book his mum bought us and assembling the crib my mum sent us.
I really thought we were going to have a girl. J changed his mind after a few weeks and decided it was a boy in there so we made a bet that the winner would be treated to a free breakfast. I didn’t get a free breakfast. J was awfully smug that day. But he did say, while he enjoyed the sweet spoils of being right, that we could name him Hudson. The name I most loved and which is also a bit of a nod to my Canadian roots.
The first thing I bought, before I even knew what we were having, was a penguin pram suit and a Peter Rabbit bedside lamp. J came home one night from the mall with a white blanket for the pram and a fluffy Peter Rabbit housecoat with bunny ears on the hood. It’s such a precious feeling the first time your SO buys something for the little one and seeing him spend hours playing with our five month old nephew melts my heart a lot. And when he sends me sweet texts out of the blue to say he loves us.
We are so excited to meet this little guy in June but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that every now and then I have 2 minutes of panic thinking ‘what are we doing!’ and ‘everything is about to change’ and ‘will I ever have a full night’s sleep again?’ But I know J will be the best dad in the world as he’s already the best husband I could ever have asked for and he’s been so supportive throughout our whole relationship and the pregnancy. There’s no one I’d rather have babies with!
He even brought me a card and some fresh squeezed orange juice Sunday morning for British Mother’s Day 🙂
All of a sudden things you always knew about but never really thought about, I mean REALLY thought about become all you think about. It is such an amazing but strange experience knowing you are growing a tiny human. And perhaps even stranger, is the thought that this is the beginning of the next cycle – we are no longer the children in our family, we are the next parents. The new tear-wipers, cheerleaders, taxi cabs to friend’s houses, Christmas dinner makers, teachers, tooth fairies, Santa Clause’s, dinosaurs (in my day we had dial-up internet – I could make a sandwich by the time msn loaded – you don’t know what msn is??).
And one day our little one, who at this moment, knows nothing but his warm, squishy existence will grow up and maybe have children of his own and we will become the grandparents. I suppose until we became pregnant it never really sunk in that we will grow old. It seemed very distant and far away that growing old thing. But the white hair I found a few weeks back (“J is this attached to my head!?!” – it was) is a sign that we are in fact growing older and things are changing.
Thoughts of the upcoming baby shower I was planning, and summer trips to the seaside with our new bundle and to Canada all seem so far away at the moment with everything going on. Everyone and everything is in limbo. But in these moments I must remember that I have everything I will ever need – J is here with me and that’s what matters. And soon we will add another musketeer to a household filled with love.
What are you doing at the moment to keep busy and stay positive? And if you have or are expecting a little one – what was the first thing you or your SO bought for them?